It never fails. I always find stupid people. Where ever I go, Stupid is in front of me. We reserved a car while we went to Portland Or. In advance! We get off the plane, at midnight, stand in line at the car rental place, and Robyn had an accident on her record. She, WE could not rent the car! Did you know that you cannot rent a car if you had an accident within five years? Is that just stupid? This guy would not let us TRY to rent again for 24 hours? And then ignored us and we were stranded with no way of getting anywhere! I think I will see a lawyer about this too. But otherwise, the guy in front of us on the plane smelled pretty bad, and everytime he adjusted himself so he could sleep, I think fleas jumped off him. I freaked when his pillow fell and hit my foot. I kicked it under his chair. After I got off the plane, I poured gasoline on me and was going to ignite it but Robyn would not let me. She said I was over reacting while she was scratching.

Continental Airlines, our first leg of the trip served us dinner?!? It was a ham and cheese sub I guess, it was almost three inches long, 2 inches around, it came with a 1/4 oz of chips and a single KitKat bar like you get for Halloween. I really did not know that was what dinner was, I really thought it was a light snack, before the long part of our flight. I was way wrong. The long flight served us 1/4 oz of pretzels that tasted like ass with salt substitute. I was dumb enough to ask if this was supper and the attendant said it was because, because, because, because, because, (do that part with the sound of the Wizard Of Oz) beacause the flight was after 9 p.m.? Then she asked me if I wanted a whole can of ginger ale? So I said "could I".

I paid for the free movie, it costs only one dollar, I paid for Robyn and Trey also so they could see the free movie too. This sounds dumb doesn't it? Let me explain, Everyone can see the screens that swing down from the ceiling and you can watch the movie for free, but if you want to hear it, well, thats a dollar. We watched Fracture with the guy from that one movie with Jody Foster... Anthony Hopkins! It was rated by me to be a 2, 2-1/2 stars tops. But if I see it again and can hear everything instead of just some parts, it may be a better movie! Maybe I should have paid 2 dollars each, maybe they would have turned it up louder than the engine noise. Over all though, the flight was grand. In as far as it lifted from the ground, and returned to earth without fire, explosions and what not.

We did finally rent a car. It was only a $40.00 ride to our hotel, and a $20.00 ride to the college, and a $30.00 ride to a car rental place that was happy to rent a car. Very nice people, and they gave me a free city map, and we will get a ride back to the airport when we leave. Now all I have to do is figure out what way is west and what way is right. So far, west is not where I thought it should be. But if you can imagine, Robyn, the person that says left when she really means right, actually knew how to get back to our hotel! I am waiting for hell to freeze over!

It has been several hours and I now know west from right, and Robyn could not get us back the second time. You have to understand that you really can't get here from anywhere. Every road is a one way going away from our hotel! It's true! This place is like groundhog day, the movie where the same thing happens over and over, we could see our hotel, but we couldn't get to it. I have no idea how we made it here the first time, because the 23 attempts after we fell upon it the first time, failed. On the goodside though, we have seen alot around Portland. And, I know what roads not to take, because there is no place to turn around for 12 miles, no off ramps, plenty of on ramps and one very high bridge that Robyn held her breath the entire 5 miles. It is very high and long.

On one of the other attempts to get back, took us to another very high bridge. This bridge allows bike riders and joggers. As we were crossing it, there was a bike rider that peddled around a light pole. The bridge has look out spots at these light poles that extend further over the edge/side of the bridge and as Robyn noticed this cycler, she was telling me how stupid this guy was for being on the bridge just as he swerved to manuever the pole and ride through the overhang. Robyn screamed! "OH MY GOD, WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM!" The guy pops back out and she is pissed because he scared the hell out her. I had tears in my eyes from laughing so hard! You had to be there! The timing was perfect. You couldn't set this up for a stunt.

On the other side of the bridge was a town from the sixties. There were hippies with long hair sitting everywhere, playing guitars and singing Kumbaya. So we parked. We walked into a restaurant that also was from the sixties. It had not been cleaned since then and still had Elvis posters and crap nobody wanted back then sitting around. More junk sitting everywhere than what I have in my garage. So we ran. Walked a couple of blocks and ate at a burger joint that was pretty good and then I asked Robyn to join me on the bridge so I could take pictures. She went with me too. She couldn't walk next to the railing as she could see the ground hundreds of feet below, and as we got 1/4 of the way up/across a truck came by that shook the bridge. Shook it pretty good too. I thought it was excessive for being so damn high and all. That was the end of that walk. I took some pictures, one of her, and she was so nice, she smiled for it! It was however a very quick walk back off. I was out of breath and my heart rate was up. And it was all down hill getting back off.

All the above excitement was after something called a Convocation. If you don't know what that is, good for you! That means you didn't have to be at one. It is, how can I describe this without offending liberal scholars? I don't think I can, so I will just say, it never ended. The first 20 or 30 speakers kept my attention. Then the the guy to whom (do you like that? To whom?) all these other liberal, talented talkers were gearing up for began speaking. The first 2 or 3 hours of his (prepared) speach was about the book Odyessy. The last 2 or 3 hours, all I could hear was waa waa waa WAA waa. Waa! The huge white pvc tent with the 2 and 1/2 inch truck type ratchet strap tie downs every 6 foot had my attention. The tent was a good 150 ft by 80 ft and 35 ft high. Open on three sides and on the back side had two open 10 foot wide walkways that had EXIT written above each opening. Being a non liberal, if there wasn't a wall of plastic, and you could see through it, feel air move, I would have figured all by my self that one could EXIT there. I did not go see if the outside had a sign that read ENTER. Just then Robyn hit my leg and I awoke, startled that we were still there.

Tomorrow, I get to take a class with a professor about....guess? It's the book called Odyessy! I was supposed to have read it in preparation for this class because Trey who I love wanted Robyn and I to have this class with him. We did buy this book. 2 copies, one for Trey and one for us. I could not get through the first page. I could not keep my mind on it long enough to get the meaning of what it is about. I kept thinking about other stuff while I read. I tried to read it. I tried to remember what I was reading, I did! It just wasn't going to happen. At 10:30 in the morning, the class starts, so I will get up at five and drink as many Bud Lights as I can for breakfast, and see if the class is better than the insight I was lucky enough to attend this afternoon.

Day two events will be posted soon! Can you wait or what!

Day Two

Due to Nike, and the fact that their headquarters are in Portland, and let's not overlook the Mt. Hood to the coast run which for some reason or other, people from all over the globe come to Portland to RUN using Nike shoes which left us getting a hotel reservation, less than OUR standard. I didn't realize I had such a high standard untill I walked into our room. Our shower had a hole in the side and the water pressure, ummm there was no water pressure. You had to hold the shower head up so you could get your forehead wet. It took a long time to shower. Barely any water came out. Rinsing was a bigger, more time consuming task because every so often the water almost came to a stop, then slowly returned to moving again.

But there is good news. I did not have to go to the Odyesse class. I think Robyn, after reading Day One, decided to go shopping for Trey's dorm room things. She most likely thought I would not be able to contain myself in the awake and alive form and was afriad I would start snoring somewhere during the class, or was more afraid that if, no when, I fell asleep, that when I woke up that I would say something like, "my God, this isn't over yet?" loud enough for the whole room to hear. I personally don't think I would have done anything like that, but there are moments when even I just can't take any more and feel compelled to voice my concerns and my opinions on things.

We did sign up for the tour of the nuclear reactor. I thought that would be pretty cool to see one close up and be able to ask questions. But, the tour was too large to fit everyone into the room and guess where I was? I was with Robyn outside the door trying to hear what was being said. So we left, and took Trey's new fridge and food, soda, cases of note book paper and everything to his dorm. The Campus is really nice and I am sure Trey will study everything, he has so far

(Click Above for some college pics)

as long as I have known him, so all will be good. I have learned many things from him and am glad to know him and I will miss him..

We ate breakfast at an IHOP. For those of you who have not done so should. We had great service and good food at the same time. I sent Kelly a picture from my phone while we were there. This place has many things on the menu that you don't see anywhere else. I tried new stuff, a crepe with some kind of cranberry bitter sweet jelly covered in cream cheese. It was very good but very rich. All this however leads up to saying good bye to Trey.

I knew Robyn would take it pretty hard, and Trey was not a normal teenager by any means. He is very smart, works hard, never got into any kind of trouble, well one time he did. I don't remember now what he did, but Robyn took Steven King Books away from him for a punishment for a week or so and threatened that if he did it again she would not let him read anything. As a parent, you are not supposed to laugh when your spouse corrects a child, so I had to leave the room. The punishment did the trick as there was no more trouble. But anyway, Robyn says "well Trey, I guess we will leave you to start your new life waa,, snob, and boo hooin", like a baby. It was very touching, so we quickly left to room after we hugged him and said good bye. We got to the car and Robyn cried for a minute more and I thought she was good to go. But no. I will get to that later.

Day Three

The holel we stayed at had a bar. I did mention that Oregon is a liberal state didn't I? Hippies playing folk music, flower shirts, pony tails, colored hair, ear rings as big as hoola hoops and gay people. I mean queers and lady queers. That is their (gays) preferred way in which they want to be called. No kidding! Anyway, this bar had queers in it. It was karaoke night, and these men were singing songs like broadway songs, muppets songs, girl songs and the bar served warm beer! I couldn't drink for two reasons, 1 - warm beer and 2 - no bud light in a bottle. It would have taken whiskey for me to stay there, and I didn't want to drink that for two reasons. 1 - I don't drink whiskey any more, and 2 - because whiskey makes my mouth run. And I would have had alot to say. I don't care if you're gay, queer, lesbian, striaght, bi or sexless. But, I would have had fun with flaming twinky men who were drinking, lady drinks and singing like girls with their hand on their hips, dancing like cheerleaders at a pep rally.

Dining downtown was great. I always wanted to eat at a sidewalk cafe'.This one was a very nice cafe'. The one we stopped at was an Italian place. Street cars were going by and people were walking, it was dusk, street lights were turning on, in a very nice part of town. It was romantic. By the time we finished our dinner, all extra lighting was turned on, the sky was dark with stars and the buildings were old and well kept. Our waiter was very good and informative about the city. Robyn ordered a bottle of wine (go figure hahaha) and it tasted like the kind I make. It was very good only not as strong. Robyns eyes were shinning in the light and talking a mile a minute about everything. She smiled and laughed alot and made me fall in love with her again. She enjoyed this trip after day one was over as she didn't take day one like I did. She cried as if all that stuff that happened was her fault. I on the otherhand was the calm and cool one, and knew it would get better. And it did.

This city has to have more one way streets than any place in the world. You can't get anywhere without having to go around the block to get to the street you want to go down. Sometimes two blocks so you can get to the street to get you to the street you want. Its bull, and if you are like me when you are in a new city and do circles over and over the street you thought you were on is across town now, and you don't know how to get there because when you think you are close, you are in china town. Now I knew where china town was because, I found it 30 minutes earlier when we were trying to get to the first street.

Day four

We left Portland and went on to our 2 day vacation that we decided to add to our trip. We really had no plan except that we were going to the Pacific. We made no reservations, did not have a route, we didn't even have a map. We just went west until the ocean appeared. Then we drove north on the Pacific coastal highway 101. Drove into Washington crossed the Columbia River, (Robyn drove) on the 5 mile bridge. I took a picture of Robyn driving across, her knuckles were white gripping the steering wheel, and fear on her face. She is a trooper though, she was still driving when we crossed back to Oregon. Our trip was beautiful. Cliffs, ocean, bridges, mountains, trees, and a sand dessert in the middle of it all and we stopped at many places and took pictures.

Our hotel on the pacific was grand. Hot tub, fire place with a switch, plazma TV and the beach outside our door. Robyn picked up some sea shells and we walked up and down for while. We watched the sun set over the ocean, watching the the reflection bounce on the surf. That too was romantic. We went to a cool looking bar after sun set and they didn't have Bud Light either, so we picked some up and decided to use the hot tub, drink our beer then go to the bar. At 10 pm, the bar was closed! On a Friday night??? Wow?? So we thought we would get a pizza, but it was closed too. Everything is closed early in this town. We found out that this town wakes up early just to run by my door. I think everyone ran, walked fast or rode bikes outside my door at 5:30 am. I walk out to have a smoke as hundreds of people spit at me for ruining their air. So I lit another, one for each hand. Still hungry from the night before we packed and went south.

My only other mission was to see a real whale, (big fish in the ocean, not big guy on the beach) and we came on this town that had a sign that said whale watching post. So we stoped there and took a cruise and went out in the ocean and watched whales feed. It was great. Our boat was pretty big, but the whales were bigger. One of the whales was 40 ft long and weighed they said a thousand pounds a foot. One came real close to the boat, about 20 feet away. I have pic of this too. They blow air out their blow holes (kinda like Kelly) only the whales air is foul. Very Very foul. Kelly is not that foul. It is something to do if you ever get out on the west coast.

We stopped and saw Trey before we got back on the plane. We each hugged him, and Robyn teared up again, and made a clean get away as far as that part goes. She said she wasn't going to cry and she did well. On the plane though, she held it together for a long time too. Then she opened my pretzels for me as again this was supper, and she knocked her glass with ice and diet Coke over and it spilled on the lady beside her. That was it. The tears were coming. There was no way around it. I heard her say to the lady "I am so sorry", now crying outloud, "I didn't mean it, I just left my ssssssssoooooonnnnnnnn at colleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeege!" Then the boo hoo's started and the lady across the aisle started crying and said she "did too". Then other people started crying, the lady who was wearing the soda pulled out tissues for everyone and kept trying to make Robyn feel better. The attendant started crying, then the pilot, I am just kidding there, but I looked at Robyn over the top of my glasses with a quizical look on my face and I'll be damned if I did not start laughing! Didn't mean too! I wasn't trying to be an ass, but it was funny. Well, thank God that made Robyn laugh, How would I have gotten out of that? She laugh and cried at the same time. Then laugh. Then cry. Then I thought she was done. I think she thought she was done. But no she wasn't as a matter of fact. She says " I am going to cry again" and laughs because she is crying. Folks, it was the damnedest thing I ever saw!

Our plane landed and we got home safe. Robyn hasn't cried since our return. She must be done now, and life goes back to normal except that our house is empty. Maybe we will open a beer and breakfast. What elase can we do with all the bedrooms?

Click Above for pics

The End

                by Scott Boden